Of Tricked Trickster and Diving Suit
by Tristana
Summary: It is Jörmungandr's birthday, and Loki is convinced by Hel to go and see him. But since breathing underwater is a problem, she also coaxes him into wearing a diving suit. Much to his displeasure and others' amusement. AU, Crack. Mythology/Marvel.


Alright... I've been toying with the idea of an Avengers fanfic for a while now but was too occupied reading them to write. So here I am.

This particular fanfic is dedicated to the epic NecrosisDemon on Y!Gallery. I owe her the idea of Loki in a diving suit. It had to be done. If you ever read it, I'd be happy to hear your opinion. (Well, I want feedback, please?)

Title: Tricked trickster and the diving suit o' doom

Pairing: None at all - for now.

Summary: It's Jörmungandr birthday, and Hel convinces Loki to go and see him. Breathing underwater being a bit of a problem and so, he is provided with a diving suit. And needs some coaxing into wearing it.

Warning: While this is an Avengers fanfiction, I had to tweak the timeline thing. And Hel and Jörmungandr are from the Norse mythology, since I never read the comics. I do what I can. For some reason, Loki was released - one guess would be that nothing is permanent and that Odin is a big sap and realized that emprisoning Loki is just begging the guy to blow up in his face anytime. Lousy excuse is lousy.

So: AU, utter crack, mixing Marvel and mythology. And... that's about it. Potential OOCness on Loki's part because we all know he'd never wear anything like such a suit. (If only he had said something like: better naked than in that suit... surely that someone would have liked it.

* * *

"I won't do it. I won't."

"Father, you are being childish. It is his birthday. And it's been so long since the last time you saw him." Hel cast her father a weary glance from her seat. Embroidery did so much for her nerves, and having him around was always better than having to listen to Baldr ranting about how unfair it was that he was stuck in Helheim. As though it were her fault. She sighed.

"Anyway, he won't want to see me." The God of Mischief crossed his arms on his chest, clearly notifying his wayward daughter that he would stand his ground no matter what.

"How can you tell? He knows well that you can't rush to Midgard as you wish these days." Considering how much havoc Loki can cause in a few hours, it was probably for the best, avoiding a confrontation with Thor, which would end up in Loki being jailed anyway.

"Centuries, more like." He had not realized how bitter these words would be. Except that they were. He could not even see his children as he pleased. Stupid Allfather, what did he think? That he would try to take over, relying on them? Hum, that was an idea. Maybe he should think about it a bit more.

"See?"

He did not like it when she sounded so smug. He was the smug one, damnit! "See what?"

"Loopholes in your argument, father dear. Now, please Loki. Either you stop wasting space, as well as my time, or you accept my help to see Jörmungandr." She smirked when she saw the normally cool-headed god grab strands of his own hair, pulling as hard he could. "Throwing a tantrum won't help either. You can stop before you start rolling on the floor, and punching it as hard you can."

"Hel, you are being impertinent."

"Wonder where I got that from... can't be mother, really. So it must be _someone_."

Loki huffed at her, doing his best to look displeased. Truly, it was never nice to have your own daughter calling you on your shortcomings, but at least she was doing so in light-spirits. Or maybe he would forgive her because she was the only one he could see without too much of a hassle. He is banned from seeing Fenrir, Sleipnir is out of the question and Jörmungandr is somewhere on Midgard.

"Being thoughtful does not suits you all that much."

"Why did I come here, again?"

"You wanted to rant at someone and so far I'm the only one letting you get away with it without conditions. But I am glad that you are here." Loki did not speak. It was rare for Hel to speak so freely and he was well aware that, much like himself, she does not always have someone willing to listen. "It's lonely here sometimes. I am fine with it, but sometimes I really miss my brothers. And I miss you."

And Gods did he miss them. People would probably look at him as though he had grown a second head if he said it aloud, but he missed them. And Hel knew it. And the mischievous twinkle in her eyes told him he had walked dead into a trap.

"And I know you do. So now, you are going to wear that suit and see Jörmungandr."

"An order, now?"

"May as well be. Come on, it's just _a suit_! It's not going to bite you in the-"

"Language."

"-lower back. If you ever let me finish my sentences you'd know I'd never dream of using such colourful language in your presence." Oh, but she did plenty when he was out of earshot. And the look he cast her was a clear indicator that he knew it as well.

"True, sometimes it's downright vitriolic."

"Vitriolic is not colourful, please grab a dictionary. So?"

"So what?"

"I had this thing shipped here from Midgard. And if I return it without you using, I'd be in a mess."

"Sneaked to Midgard again?" Somehow, he was not so surprised. She was his daughter and so far, the only one of the bunch who had a tad more agency. And more magic to work with.

"The ones in Asgard are no use if you can't breath underwater. Which you can't. And I was bored out of my wits."

"You must be bored often then." He smirked, knowing exactly how much she hated him to say that. But they could be two playing this game. And he would win anyway.

"Yeah, this is why I went to Midgard and came across a human more intelligent than the rest. We were talking about going underwater and he mentioned the fact that he could help me with the material and the building."

"You built that?"

"In case you forgot, idiotic father of mine, you are way too tall for a mortal and therefore, something had to be custom made. Now get in."

Loki did not like it. Began hating it the moment Hel mentioned a 'mortal man' who could build diving 'suits'. This sounded way too familiar. But he would not ask – he did not exactly fancied his own daughter to lie to him.

"I won't."

"Damn it all to Nifelheim, you are killing me!"

"You can't die."

"Makes the whole thing even more painful. Now, don't force me to get you in that thing using force because I swear, I will curse you into it."

"What are the stakes, for you to be so adamant that I wear it?" It had to be a bet. Had to be.

"... What?"

"I know you bet something, so what it is?"

"Nothing."

"Hel..."

"Look, I will tell you, later. But anyway, could you give this to Jörmungandr for me?" She handed him a package wrapped in some sleek fabric, probably to protect it from water.

"I won't wear that."

But in the end, he did. And he felt stupid and must look even more stupid. Looked like a damn frog. Gross.

"Much cuter than an amphibian, if you ask me. Turn around?"

And Loki did, for a reason he did not know. He had no idea why he even complied to his daughter's whim but it may be that he just wanted to humour her. He knew she was bored, as much as he was, and mischief was the best way to ward off boredom.

"Really, it suits you. Though I wonder, it's not too tight, is it?"

Loki experimentally flexed his arms and kneeled. "No, it's fine. Why do you ask?"

"I was not sure it would fit you, when I first saw it. Again, you are much taller than Midgardians so I really hoped it was going to be fine." Though all she did was snap a picture with one of these devices mortals call a phone. A wonder it worked here, but again, she was not her father's daughter for nothing and managed to make it work anyway. Really, that man has an eye when it comes to clothes, though she would never tell him so. It was probably her best plan to date, good thing it was Jörmundangr birthday.

Little did she know that it would make Loki suspicious. As the God of Lies, he knew when truth was kept from him. Hel never could quite lie to him anyway. But so far, it was harmless so he supposed he could let it slide for now. For now.

The suspicious look on Loki's face did not go unnoticed, but Hel could not care less. She knew that unless remarks are made, he would leave her be. Better that way, because she would hate to have Gamr gnawing at his own grand-father. The hound was obedient – so long she was not threatened. And last time had been disastrous.

"So, you're all good. Let's move to Jörg's last known location, shall we?" And with that she sauntered towards him, grabbed him and just made her way to Midgärd. Without Heimdall's help, which somehow bothered Loki. He was well aware that Bifrost was a link between Asgard and the other realms, but that his own daughter – and other realms – could move around without any hindrance was disturbing.

Once they arrived – in a rather hostile and frozen area, that Loki surmised to be the North Pole – Hel let go of him and got out other implements he would need to breathe underwater.

"Now, father, don't go being a sourpuss, you know I can do what I want."

"Hum, so long you don't go waging a war, that is."

"Well, I have managed to negotiate my free coming-and-going between Helheim and Midgard."

"Otherwise?" Now is the moment he dreaded, knowing how wilful she could be. Surely Odin would have gotten an earful – and probably wished she was the one with the sealed lips. Clever diplomat.

"Otherwise... lessay I freed Jörgmungandr from his bounds and set him onto Yggdrasil. Or something equally scary to Odin. Might have said something about an alliance between Helheim and Jotunheim... and some kickass blowup on the Bifrost, I don't quite remember."

"You threatened the Allfather." He could not believe his ears, she had to be even more insane than the rest. And that was saying something.

"Or I might have put an emphasis on the fact that being your daughter, boredom ill-suited me. And I might end up doing stupid things out of boredom. So I can come here, as long as I don't mess things up. I actually have a place to live on Midgard, and papers and all. So I go here when I'm tired of the souls' endless bitching."

"Language."

"Not underwater yet, dear father?"

"You enjoy this."

"Indeed. Fare thee well, I'll be waiting for you."

"So I'll be the only freezing?"

"This is not freezing. Don't be a child, before I just tell this to Byleistr... reputation ruined."

With a huff, Loki put on the rest of the gear, trying to calm down at the rather claustrophobic feeling of having something on his face and in his mouth. Even if it was to help him breathing. A squeeze on his forearm had him look at Hel. She was smiling, reassuringly, and as much as he hated it, he was grateful not to see any mockery in her demeanour.

And so he went.

As soon as Loki disappeared underwater, Hel caught signs on Jörmungandr a few furlongs away. The snake was probably glad because the water was not boiling yet. Or whatever he did when pissed, Hel was always careful not to do anything untoward.

He plopped on a rock, and took out her phone. That she promised not to mess things up on Midgard did not include magical enhancement of the communication network to suit her needs. She sent the pictures to the suit's maker. Only to have a reply a few seconds later.

_Doesn't look half bad. TS._

You bet, I saved the best for last. H  
She sent the picture she took when Loki was facing away from her, ready to dive.

_Nice one. He doesn't know, right? TS  
_

It takes a trickster to trick another one. Thanks for the suit. H

_My pleasure. Drop by anytime. I owe you a lunch. TS_

Hel closed her phone with a grin. No wonder her father threw the man out of the window. It must be awful to come across someone with the same kind of devious mind. If Loki ever goes back to Midgard, he will not hear the end of it. The thought made the grin grow wider. Nothing better than a prank wrapped in a good action. She dipped her feet in the water, shuddering. Maybe it was a bit cold. Not that she would ever acknowledge it.

Deep under the sea, in some hidden cave, Jörmungandr was rolling in the water, laughing all the while. The sound itself was like roaring waves, but Loki knew it.

"Mind explaining why you are laughing so hard? I understand that such clothes are not exactly the same as usual but..." Loki was standing on the ground, arms crossed.

"Really, father, how do you think Hel comes here?"

"..."

"Believe me, she never takes the waterways, she says it messes her hair too much."

"Are you telling me there is another way to this place?"

"Aye, stairs, that are hidden aboveground, I know not where. She did not tell you?"

Oh, she was going to pay, that mean little- "My daughter..." He knew not if he should be proud or angry, though the latter was winning. She will hear of it.

"I thought you were laughing because of the... outfit."

"Well, I would be lying if I tell you I was not. But since you got cheated by Hel... Though I should thank you both."

He did not want to know... "Why?"

"She promised me a good laugh, and here you are." Jörmundangr cast him a glance, his head tilted to the side, as a demonstrative gesture. "Do not begrudge her, she had wanted to trick you for a long time. And it never worked."

"I have to hand it to her. Were you aware of her plans?" His children rarely ever lied to him. And Hel did not actively lied. Withholding information was fair game though.

"I know not what she planned, except that it involved a human. She is apparently fond of him, and often comes to Midgard. She says it keeps her from being too bored."

"Thank you, my son."

"It's fine. Now, about this Ragnarök... any idea when it comes about? I'm rather bored."

Loki had ideas. And one of them involved certain humans. And a certain kinswoman of his.

Hel's ears were ringing, and she was surprised to find Tony sneezing over his gnocchi. "Guess he found out."

"Hum... I'll have to cancel my holidays then. But these pictures were worth it. How long until he forgets?"

"He never does. But within a few days. I'll ask my uncles to throw him something to chew on. Just... don't get those pictures everywhere, because Heimdall would probably see it and... Hell would break loose, as you say here."

"No pun intended."

"None at all. Now, hand over that Prosecco."

* * *

Now, feedback people? Even if it's to beat me on the head because I wrote something utterly nonsensical. /absolutely proud of it.  
And you have my thanks for reading my story - this is the reason I write. Mostly.


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